The Rochester Sweet Peas Playgroup
Connecting families in the Rochester, NY area one meetup at a time
Breaking Into A Playgroup
By: Carren W. Joye
Here are some common complaints of playgroup visitors: "I never really felt comfortable." "It seemed like everyone already knew each other." "No one made me feel welcome." As a recovering shy person myself, I too have felt unwelcome and uncomfortable in groups. It can be difficult to break into a new group sometimes. However, I have discovered in my own experiences and observed from “successful” and “unsuccessful” new members that fitting in with a playgroup is largely up to the individual. Indeed, whenever I made the extra effort, my children and I fit in much quicker and more easily. With the goal of making new friends and letting others know that you are committed to the group, here are certain actions which will help you and your children break into a new group more easily.
Go to playgroup every week. Make it a priority. Don't let anything, except illness, interfere with going to playgroup on playgroup morning. You are likely to be remembered if others see you on a regular basis, and their names and faces will become recognizable to you much sooner. Besides, it is too easy to get out of the routine of attending playgroup. If you start missing a playgroup date here and there, before you know it, you won't be regulars anymore. Playgroups often evolve over time; if you go regularly, you will be part of those changes. Otherwise, you are likely to be uncomfortable with the changes and the playgroup won't “fit” anymore.
Arrive early. It is easier for you to start talking with only one or two other adults than it is to approach a group of adults. It's the same with your children. It's easier for them to make friends with just one or two kids before all the children have arrived than to try to join a group once the games and activities have begun.
Participate in as many other activities as possible. Sign up for the field trips, go on the moms' nights out, host an upcoming playdate, volunteer for the annual fund raiser or service project. When there is a group effort to help someone out, such as taking meals to a new mom, sign up even if you do not know the person. Active participation will establish you and your family not only as part of the playgroup but also as part of the community.
Don't give up just because the group does not fit perfectly. For example, there will likely be parents with radically different discipline methods; you do not have to agree with them. Similarly, you do not have to find a group that uses only cloth diapers or exclusively breastfeeds. Although you may be fortunate enough to find a like-minded group, you will expand your mind when you learn from those who are different from you. Friendships do not require that you have everything in common. Besides, not everyone has to be your friend.
In short, breaking into a new group requires tenacity and perseverance. Granted, playgroup members should be welcoming to all newcomers, but unfortunately, they often are not. Perhaps they are simply not focused on the visitors, or maybe they are just not as welcoming as the newcomer wants, or perhaps their idea of welcoming is different from the newcomer's. In any case, breaking into a new group will take some effort on your part, but if you make the effort, it will be worth it. I promise you, you and your children will make friends.
Carren W. Joye is the author of A Stay-at-Home Mom's Complete Guide to Playgroups, available at Amazon.com and your local bookstore. A homeschooling mom of four children, she has successfully founded four playgroups, a homeschool support group, and a homeschool co-op.
Along with the great above suggestions, we have a couple more to add that are more particular to how Meetup and The Rochester Sweet Peas Playgroup operates...
Post on the Message Board - It is a great way to get conversations going even before you may meet people face-to-face. Generate a new message thread, search for something you are looking for and post a response, or just read the current ones and jump on in!
Post Greetings on Member Profiles - Say Hi!, leave a kudo, or anything else that may get you talking to the other members of the group!
Start up Small Talk - When meeting new people in a playgroup, sometimes the easiest thing to talk about is the kids. This will almost always get the ball rolling in conversation. Or if you have read up on the latest Message Board threads, you can bring them into the conversation as well!
Read Member Profiles - This will help you get acquainted with the other members and may also help bridge the gap in conversation. You may also find some commonalities among the quirky question responses!
Offer to Host a Playgroup in your Home - Everyone loves checking out a new place to play and this shows people that you want to be a part of the playgroup and that you are willing to participate and help out! Big Kudos for this! 
Last, but not least, contact an organizer and let them know you are struggling and we'll work with you to make this experience a great one! 